Interior design for being betrayed

In a quite remarkable article of todays date, one interior design expert commands her readers to bring, according to some claimed „Interior Trend„, fake snakes into their homes. I take the freedom here to write a sentence to sentence comment of that article, because I do like language and for me that article seems quite symptomatic for the Zeitgeist of our times.
The article starts with a command in the headline:

Now we bring ourselves fake snakes into the house“ – Sounds like nobody may have any choice or say after such an introduction. Comply, or die of being non trendy, you bitches!

Looking for a new room mate? We would like to put a snake to your heart“ – Cleopatra did that too. We all know how that turned out.

For it is contrary to its reputation not conniving, but pretty decorative“ – Snakes may be very decorative. However they are conniving, merciless and sneaky. Definitely snaky.

Wikipedia describes Snakes as reptile like scaly crawling animals.„- From my biology classes I remember that snakes actually are reptiles indeed. After checking the Wikipedia article I could not confirm on the assertions in that article.

That alone sounds pretty mean“ – Hey, they did not write any of this, you just made it up. And why is calling crawlers with scales supposedly mean? What shall the new trendy politically correct term be then, in your opinion?

Lots of people get into panic, when they encounter a snake in the wild. For some even a photo is enough“ – That is called a phobia. Besides that not that many people actually do have a snake phobia, it is yet pretty smart to avoid possibly poisonous or dangerous creatures one may encounter in the wild.

And besides that our scaly colleagues neither do have good reputation“ – Sorry, besides what? There was not one point mentioned before why they should have any good reputation, except that they are decorative. Your colleagues might be snakes, but mine are not, or at least I´d like to think so.

They stand for betrayal, in the bible even for the devil“ – That is correct, they stand for betrayal in Feng Shui too. The difference between Satan and the devil may be a bit too subtle for that author, but let´s settle for that the devil usually is said to be of a pretty malicious intent, serving only self interest. Just like the snake.

Into the home with it“ – I got that command the first time.

High time to break with the evil symbolism and instead care for a bit more exotic at home“ – So far we got only confirmation of the evil symbology, so why break with it, just because it is as old as mankind itself? The sentence ends with another repetition of a previous command. The exotic imperative…

For variety of choice is plenty“ – Ahh, the second pro-argument in the entire article at last! We got plenty of choice in the variety of decorations! That needs to suffice, I guess.

We show you the articles which you can buy immediately“ – Probably that is what the article is all about, drawing a commision from snake decor vendors.

That piece of artsy text is in fact so bad, that the commentary function in that lifestyle magazine needed to be disabled. But I did enjoy the read, I think it is hilarious.
To end this artcle with a little secret on the Feng Shui of snakes: If a wild snakes chooses to enter your home, then do NOT kill it It is very auspicious if a snake enters your home, good for gain of wealth. It is enough to release it into the wild.